This one is strictly for the single ladies only....
I have a single relative. She is a young single mother to multiple children who in spite of past mistakes is in the process of making something out of herself. Although she is in the process, she is not in her "wealthy place" as of yet.
What I notice about her is rather disturbing though. She regularly says she is waiting on God to send her her Boaz, meaning a husband. I hear this from her all the time. What I also hear is her complaining, gossiping and having a negative attitude. She surrounds herself with catty women therefore she behaves that way as well. She also regularly says how much she wants to lose weight yet she is doing nothing about it. She does not have any money of her own yet she says she won't date a man who is a "scrub". And her house....is always dirty.
She is expecting her future husband to come on to the scene and rescue her yet she is doing none of this for herself. She, like many women, is waiting for Prince Charming to come along and take all of her struggles away yet she is doing nothing in the mean time to prepare for him. I believe in waiting on God...but I also know we also must show God that we can be trusted with what we are waiting on (Faith without works is DEAD!) . The same way God will not give you a raggedy man...He will not give His son a raggedy woman. And to all who say you want a Boaz...realize that Ruth was a hustler! She WORKED!
If you really believe that God is going to give you something, you need to prepare for that thing before it arrives! God will not give you a present only to watch you destroy it. If you believe you will be married one day, live the life of a wife now so you can show God that you are ready.
Clean your house. Keep up with the laundry. Keep your pantry stocked. Know how to cook. Keep yourself healthy. Know how to maintain a household income...which can only be done by going out and making you some money!
Stop waiting for Prince Charming to show up and make everything better. God gave you all of the abilities within yourself to make a better life for you. All you have to do is believe...and stop being lazy! Get your own money. Have your own life and while you are living the good life that God blessed you to earn, your "Boaz" will be watching you. He will have his eye on you and you may not even be aware of it. He is watching you build your empire and when he sees he can trust you, he will gladly welcome you into his.
Marriage is beautiful but so is your singleness. The beautiful thing about being single is now is the time that you can be selfish and focus on what you will bring to the table. Know what type of wife you want to be and be that woman now. Work on your career. Increase your education. Even get your body together! Purpose in your heart to stay away from silly women who will tarnish your spirit. Work on your life and abilities so that when who ever your God ordained husband is is released into your life, you will be able to be a help meet and not an additional burden to him.
He is not your Savior. Jesus is. :")
Until next time!
xoxoxoxo
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Seed of Betrayal
I was just speaking to a BEAUTIFUL young woman on Twitter and she was dealing with the issue of betrayal. That of course sparked a blog interest for me. LADIES, this one is for you (and any of you gents who can relate, smile)!
I remember a little over 10 years ago I had a nice boyfriend. He was cute. We grew up together. He was my friend. He jokingly referred to me as his wife and I comically (yet wishfully) would call him husband in return. It was a "teenage love affair". It was so innocent yet it was intense because we both had strong feelings for one another.
As time went on, I noticed him not calling as much...then not at all. Our communication stopped and me being me, I wanted to know what was going on. I also noticed that my best friend at the moment was not available as my rock to lean on as she usually was. (I'm sure you can see where this story is going...)
They were together. I started hearing rumors of their union. It came to a head when on Sunday morning, I learned it was true by seeing them together with my naked eyes. I, being the fire cracker that I am...was about to THROW DOWNNNNNN at church. Yes, I was going to fight her and if possible get a few licks in on him as well. Thank God my Godsister stepped in to calm me down and my Godbrother talked some sense into me. God sends you what you need right at the heat of the moment! Glory to You, Father!
Later that week, I made the decision to let go. Me holding on to my anger was not going to seperate them. Me being upset anytime they came around me was not going to change anything. I was at the crossroad of decision-to hate or choosing to love in spite of.
The next week I wrote him a letter in church explaining that although I did not like it, I forgave him AND her. I was releasing the hardness of MY heart for MY peace of mind. Not only that...I blessed their union. I told him I hope they were happy together and I meant EVERY word of it. Not sarcastically or to save face...I genuinely meant it. Giving that letter to him literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I felt lighter and at peace. I talked to him face to face as soon as service was over and we made up as friends. There no longer had to be awkwardness everytime we saw one another. She, however was unwilling to speak to me and as a matter of fact she was ANGERED by my forgiveness and my letter. What her problem was? I have no clue but she was MAD!
Although I was young at the time, the feeling of betrayal was very REAL! The feeling of betrayal ESPECIALLY over matters of the heart is harsh. It brings along with it feelings of envy, hatred, RAGE and heartbreak/sorrow...but the one part of us that is broken by betrayal is our PRIDE. All of those are very real emotions that surge through us when loved ones and even not so loved ones betray us. The choice is completely ours as to if we let that venom run through our veins or release it for God to handle, and choosing to drop our PRIDE in order to have peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a gift to give. Some choose to receive it (like my ex did) and some cannot receive your forgiveness (they say you are being "fake") due to the guilt eating at them from what they did (like my ex-bestfriend). Weither they receive it or not, GIVE IT! Bless them and move on. That is lifting the load of hard feelings and stony heart from YOUR shoulders and in the long-run, though it should not be your intent, leaping coals on their heads (Romans 12:19-21 GO read it NOW!). Forgive and get the bitterness out of your heart.
Forgiving someone is a beautiful process. You just have to get your PRIDE out of the way in order to do it. Once you do, your heart is lifted, HEALING begins, you gain wisdom and most importantly God is pleased!
Now I bet you are wondering how the story ends for me, him and her. At the time, I didn't know how things would work out. All I knew was that they hurt me and I chose to forgive them. When we are going through something, we don't have the provision of knowing what will happen later down the line. All we have is what's in our face at the moment and the faith to know things will be alright. Well, here is what happened to the new couple: They broke up. Why? She was a wounded girl who had been through a lot and used sex as a means to love. Basically-She left him because...um...turns out that she wanted to be a lesbian. I must confess that once I found out I jokingly told him "Well I'm GLAD we broke up if you are so terrible that you turn women the other way!" I was only kidding guys...*wink*
Now I don't glorify the fact that she did that to him. He was hurt and I didn't wish that on him. I realize she was doing that out of her own hurt and search for love. I'm just stating facts. :") While I do NOT rest in that what I will say is this-the bible holds TRUE when it says "Vengence is MINE, says God. Romans 12:19" He will SURELY repay. Don't think for a second that folks will get off scott free when you choose not to retaliate for their wrong doing. God will repay. You just stay humble.
Anyway, they ended up doing harm to each other. In the end God had stripped me of a man who clearly was not loyal, a friend who would clearly betray me if she felt so inclined and He gave me wisdom to share with other women in the same situation.
It hurt me...but it helped me. And I pray that this story has blessed you.
Forgive! It hurts now...but it will help you later.
Until we meet again....
xoxoxoxo
I remember a little over 10 years ago I had a nice boyfriend. He was cute. We grew up together. He was my friend. He jokingly referred to me as his wife and I comically (yet wishfully) would call him husband in return. It was a "teenage love affair". It was so innocent yet it was intense because we both had strong feelings for one another.
As time went on, I noticed him not calling as much...then not at all. Our communication stopped and me being me, I wanted to know what was going on. I also noticed that my best friend at the moment was not available as my rock to lean on as she usually was. (I'm sure you can see where this story is going...)
They were together. I started hearing rumors of their union. It came to a head when on Sunday morning, I learned it was true by seeing them together with my naked eyes. I, being the fire cracker that I am...was about to THROW DOWNNNNNN at church. Yes, I was going to fight her and if possible get a few licks in on him as well. Thank God my Godsister stepped in to calm me down and my Godbrother talked some sense into me. God sends you what you need right at the heat of the moment! Glory to You, Father!
Later that week, I made the decision to let go. Me holding on to my anger was not going to seperate them. Me being upset anytime they came around me was not going to change anything. I was at the crossroad of decision-to hate or choosing to love in spite of.
The next week I wrote him a letter in church explaining that although I did not like it, I forgave him AND her. I was releasing the hardness of MY heart for MY peace of mind. Not only that...I blessed their union. I told him I hope they were happy together and I meant EVERY word of it. Not sarcastically or to save face...I genuinely meant it. Giving that letter to him literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I felt lighter and at peace. I talked to him face to face as soon as service was over and we made up as friends. There no longer had to be awkwardness everytime we saw one another. She, however was unwilling to speak to me and as a matter of fact she was ANGERED by my forgiveness and my letter. What her problem was? I have no clue but she was MAD!
Although I was young at the time, the feeling of betrayal was very REAL! The feeling of betrayal ESPECIALLY over matters of the heart is harsh. It brings along with it feelings of envy, hatred, RAGE and heartbreak/sorrow...but the one part of us that is broken by betrayal is our PRIDE. All of those are very real emotions that surge through us when loved ones and even not so loved ones betray us. The choice is completely ours as to if we let that venom run through our veins or release it for God to handle, and choosing to drop our PRIDE in order to have peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a gift to give. Some choose to receive it (like my ex did) and some cannot receive your forgiveness (they say you are being "fake") due to the guilt eating at them from what they did (like my ex-bestfriend). Weither they receive it or not, GIVE IT! Bless them and move on. That is lifting the load of hard feelings and stony heart from YOUR shoulders and in the long-run, though it should not be your intent, leaping coals on their heads (Romans 12:19-21 GO read it NOW!). Forgive and get the bitterness out of your heart.
Forgiving someone is a beautiful process. You just have to get your PRIDE out of the way in order to do it. Once you do, your heart is lifted, HEALING begins, you gain wisdom and most importantly God is pleased!
Now I bet you are wondering how the story ends for me, him and her. At the time, I didn't know how things would work out. All I knew was that they hurt me and I chose to forgive them. When we are going through something, we don't have the provision of knowing what will happen later down the line. All we have is what's in our face at the moment and the faith to know things will be alright. Well, here is what happened to the new couple: They broke up. Why? She was a wounded girl who had been through a lot and used sex as a means to love. Basically-She left him because...um...turns out that she wanted to be a lesbian. I must confess that once I found out I jokingly told him "Well I'm GLAD we broke up if you are so terrible that you turn women the other way!" I was only kidding guys...*wink*
Now I don't glorify the fact that she did that to him. He was hurt and I didn't wish that on him. I realize she was doing that out of her own hurt and search for love. I'm just stating facts. :") While I do NOT rest in that what I will say is this-the bible holds TRUE when it says "Vengence is MINE, says God. Romans 12:19" He will SURELY repay. Don't think for a second that folks will get off scott free when you choose not to retaliate for their wrong doing. God will repay. You just stay humble.
Anyway, they ended up doing harm to each other. In the end God had stripped me of a man who clearly was not loyal, a friend who would clearly betray me if she felt so inclined and He gave me wisdom to share with other women in the same situation.
It hurt me...but it helped me. And I pray that this story has blessed you.
Forgive! It hurts now...but it will help you later.
Until we meet again....
xoxoxoxo
Sunday, October 2, 2011
When Love Hurts...
I'm currently watching a new show titled "Will to Live" on TVOne. In this particular episode, there was a drug crazed, abusive boyfriend who did not want his girlfriend to leave him. To sum up the story, the guy in the relationship told his woman something along the lines of "If I can't have you, nobody else can" and he said that because he felt her drifting away due to beatings and his abuse of drugs. The man, in a drug induced craze, shot his girlfriend at point blank range in the back of her head. He then turned the gun on himself. He died. She did not.
This reminded me of an abusive situation that I endured. I endured it as a child. My father, although he has changed DRASTICALLY, was "that guy". While he never physically hit my mother as the male did in the previous situation, he was abusive in every other way possible. He said the same line that I heard this man say "If I can't have you, nobody else will." My father would pull guns on my mother. In heated arguments, he would start to clean his beloved pistols and as a child, I was forced to endure this. My home was the soil that raised me and the seeds planted into me were of hatred and abuse. I was beaten and abused at the hands of my father. I was cursed out and threatened to be killed. My father has pulled guns on my sister in front of me. He even went as far as to make me hold a gun and point it after he beat me as a teen (this is SEVERE, psychological abuse).
Because I was a little girl who never felt the acceptance of my father (except for when I would physically beat a school mate up) and I never knew the safe, passionate love of a man, I was prone to the worst kind of men. I never knew healthy love so I did not demand it for myself. This holds true for many women who grew up in explosive households. I was an easy target to men who wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability and my longing to hear positive words of affirmation. I faced a potentially abusive situation but I got out.
I remember being on a date with a guy at his home when he asked me to massage his leg. I would not and when I refused he bent my finger back as far as he could get it to go. That HURT but I took that as a sign that he was crazy. For him to bend my finger as punishment for my being disobedient on only the second date, I knew eventually he would blow up on me in the future. I stayed polite throughout the remainder of us "hanging out", did whatever he asked of me to do and got out of his home. I knew to never see him again because the signs showed me that he was an abusive person. Although I grew up in abuse, my grandmother was beaten, my aunts were beaten and it runs throughout my family, I was DETERMINED to break that cycle! You don't have to go through what you mother, your sister, your aunts or your friends went through. God gave me strength and He will to anyone else as well.
There are always signs that someone is emotionally unstable and it leads to violence. Although they may be able to hide that side of them for a season, it will eventually come to the surface and be as a roaring lion. Many women do not pay attention to the signs and it leads to abuse after an emotional bond has been established.
My attention and discernment from God saved me from abuse but if you are already in the situation, it is not too late. You can come out. God does not want any of us to live abused or in danger. We were created for a purpose and that purpose was not to be abused.
Many women endure domestic violence and they suffer silently. It could be your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your co-worker or even the women next to you in church giving God praise in spite of hardships and going forward as if nothing happened. It could even be YOU reading this! Domestic violence touches us all in some way as we are all a community and we are stronger together than we are apart.
If you are going through the pain of being beaten in your relationship, this is for you: Talk to a girlfriend, a pastor or someone whom you can trust. Develop a plan to safely leave. Every blow and every hit and every strike of a hand to someone is killing your spirit and it does not have to be.
If you or someone you know is going through a situation of domestic violence, contact me. I am praying with you and for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org
This reminded me of an abusive situation that I endured. I endured it as a child. My father, although he has changed DRASTICALLY, was "that guy". While he never physically hit my mother as the male did in the previous situation, he was abusive in every other way possible. He said the same line that I heard this man say "If I can't have you, nobody else will." My father would pull guns on my mother. In heated arguments, he would start to clean his beloved pistols and as a child, I was forced to endure this. My home was the soil that raised me and the seeds planted into me were of hatred and abuse. I was beaten and abused at the hands of my father. I was cursed out and threatened to be killed. My father has pulled guns on my sister in front of me. He even went as far as to make me hold a gun and point it after he beat me as a teen (this is SEVERE, psychological abuse).
Because I was a little girl who never felt the acceptance of my father (except for when I would physically beat a school mate up) and I never knew the safe, passionate love of a man, I was prone to the worst kind of men. I never knew healthy love so I did not demand it for myself. This holds true for many women who grew up in explosive households. I was an easy target to men who wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability and my longing to hear positive words of affirmation. I faced a potentially abusive situation but I got out.
I remember being on a date with a guy at his home when he asked me to massage his leg. I would not and when I refused he bent my finger back as far as he could get it to go. That HURT but I took that as a sign that he was crazy. For him to bend my finger as punishment for my being disobedient on only the second date, I knew eventually he would blow up on me in the future. I stayed polite throughout the remainder of us "hanging out", did whatever he asked of me to do and got out of his home. I knew to never see him again because the signs showed me that he was an abusive person. Although I grew up in abuse, my grandmother was beaten, my aunts were beaten and it runs throughout my family, I was DETERMINED to break that cycle! You don't have to go through what you mother, your sister, your aunts or your friends went through. God gave me strength and He will to anyone else as well.
There are always signs that someone is emotionally unstable and it leads to violence. Although they may be able to hide that side of them for a season, it will eventually come to the surface and be as a roaring lion. Many women do not pay attention to the signs and it leads to abuse after an emotional bond has been established.
My attention and discernment from God saved me from abuse but if you are already in the situation, it is not too late. You can come out. God does not want any of us to live abused or in danger. We were created for a purpose and that purpose was not to be abused.
Many women endure domestic violence and they suffer silently. It could be your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your co-worker or even the women next to you in church giving God praise in spite of hardships and going forward as if nothing happened. It could even be YOU reading this! Domestic violence touches us all in some way as we are all a community and we are stronger together than we are apart.
If you are going through the pain of being beaten in your relationship, this is for you: Talk to a girlfriend, a pastor or someone whom you can trust. Develop a plan to safely leave. Every blow and every hit and every strike of a hand to someone is killing your spirit and it does not have to be.
If you or someone you know is going through a situation of domestic violence, contact me. I am praying with you and for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org
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