I was just speaking to a BEAUTIFUL young woman on Twitter and she was dealing with the issue of betrayal. That of course sparked a blog interest for me. LADIES, this one is for you (and any of you gents who can relate, smile)!
I remember a little over 10 years ago I had a nice boyfriend. He was cute. We grew up together. He was my friend. He jokingly referred to me as his wife and I comically (yet wishfully) would call him husband in return. It was a "teenage love affair". It was so innocent yet it was intense because we both had strong feelings for one another.
As time went on, I noticed him not calling as much...then not at all. Our communication stopped and me being me, I wanted to know what was going on. I also noticed that my best friend at the moment was not available as my rock to lean on as she usually was. (I'm sure you can see where this story is going...)
They were together. I started hearing rumors of their union. It came to a head when on Sunday morning, I learned it was true by seeing them together with my naked eyes. I, being the fire cracker that I am...was about to THROW DOWNNNNNN at church. Yes, I was going to fight her and if possible get a few licks in on him as well. Thank God my Godsister stepped in to calm me down and my Godbrother talked some sense into me. God sends you what you need right at the heat of the moment! Glory to You, Father!
Later that week, I made the decision to let go. Me holding on to my anger was not going to seperate them. Me being upset anytime they came around me was not going to change anything. I was at the crossroad of decision-to hate or choosing to love in spite of.
The next week I wrote him a letter in church explaining that although I did not like it, I forgave him AND her. I was releasing the hardness of MY heart for MY peace of mind. Not only that...I blessed their union. I told him I hope they were happy together and I meant EVERY word of it. Not sarcastically or to save face...I genuinely meant it. Giving that letter to him literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I felt lighter and at peace. I talked to him face to face as soon as service was over and we made up as friends. There no longer had to be awkwardness everytime we saw one another. She, however was unwilling to speak to me and as a matter of fact she was ANGERED by my forgiveness and my letter. What her problem was? I have no clue but she was MAD!
Although I was young at the time, the feeling of betrayal was very REAL! The feeling of betrayal ESPECIALLY over matters of the heart is harsh. It brings along with it feelings of envy, hatred, RAGE and heartbreak/sorrow...but the one part of us that is broken by betrayal is our PRIDE. All of those are very real emotions that surge through us when loved ones and even not so loved ones betray us. The choice is completely ours as to if we let that venom run through our veins or release it for God to handle, and choosing to drop our PRIDE in order to have peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a gift to give. Some choose to receive it (like my ex did) and some cannot receive your forgiveness (they say you are being "fake") due to the guilt eating at them from what they did (like my ex-bestfriend). Weither they receive it or not, GIVE IT! Bless them and move on. That is lifting the load of hard feelings and stony heart from YOUR shoulders and in the long-run, though it should not be your intent, leaping coals on their heads (Romans 12:19-21 GO read it NOW!). Forgive and get the bitterness out of your heart.
Forgiving someone is a beautiful process. You just have to get your PRIDE out of the way in order to do it. Once you do, your heart is lifted, HEALING begins, you gain wisdom and most importantly God is pleased!
Now I bet you are wondering how the story ends for me, him and her. At the time, I didn't know how things would work out. All I knew was that they hurt me and I chose to forgive them. When we are going through something, we don't have the provision of knowing what will happen later down the line. All we have is what's in our face at the moment and the faith to know things will be alright. Well, here is what happened to the new couple: They broke up. Why? She was a wounded girl who had been through a lot and used sex as a means to love. Basically-She left him because...um...turns out that she wanted to be a lesbian. I must confess that once I found out I jokingly told him "Well I'm GLAD we broke up if you are so terrible that you turn women the other way!" I was only kidding guys...*wink*
Now I don't glorify the fact that she did that to him. He was hurt and I didn't wish that on him. I realize she was doing that out of her own hurt and search for love. I'm just stating facts. :") While I do NOT rest in that what I will say is this-the bible holds TRUE when it says "Vengence is MINE, says God. Romans 12:19" He will SURELY repay. Don't think for a second that folks will get off scott free when you choose not to retaliate for their wrong doing. God will repay. You just stay humble.
Anyway, they ended up doing harm to each other. In the end God had stripped me of a man who clearly was not loyal, a friend who would clearly betray me if she felt so inclined and He gave me wisdom to share with other women in the same situation.
It hurt me...but it helped me. And I pray that this story has blessed you.
Forgive! It hurts now...but it will help you later.
Until we meet again....
xoxoxoxo
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