I'm currently watching a new show titled "Will to Live" on TVOne. In this particular episode, there was a drug crazed, abusive boyfriend who did not want his girlfriend to leave him. To sum up the story, the guy in the relationship told his woman something along the lines of "If I can't have you, nobody else can" and he said that because he felt her drifting away due to beatings and his abuse of drugs. The man, in a drug induced craze, shot his girlfriend at point blank range in the back of her head. He then turned the gun on himself. He died. She did not.
This reminded me of an abusive situation that I endured. I endured it as a child. My father, although he has changed DRASTICALLY, was "that guy". While he never physically hit my mother as the male did in the previous situation, he was abusive in every other way possible. He said the same line that I heard this man say "If I can't have you, nobody else will." My father would pull guns on my mother. In heated arguments, he would start to clean his beloved pistols and as a child, I was forced to endure this. My home was the soil that raised me and the seeds planted into me were of hatred and abuse. I was beaten and abused at the hands of my father. I was cursed out and threatened to be killed. My father has pulled guns on my sister in front of me. He even went as far as to make me hold a gun and point it after he beat me as a teen (this is SEVERE, psychological abuse).
Because I was a little girl who never felt the acceptance of my father (except for when I would physically beat a school mate up) and I never knew the safe, passionate love of a man, I was prone to the worst kind of men. I never knew healthy love so I did not demand it for myself. This holds true for many women who grew up in explosive households. I was an easy target to men who wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability and my longing to hear positive words of affirmation. I faced a potentially abusive situation but I got out.
I remember being on a date with a guy at his home when he asked me to massage his leg. I would not and when I refused he bent my finger back as far as he could get it to go. That HURT but I took that as a sign that he was crazy. For him to bend my finger as punishment for my being disobedient on only the second date, I knew eventually he would blow up on me in the future. I stayed polite throughout the remainder of us "hanging out", did whatever he asked of me to do and got out of his home. I knew to never see him again because the signs showed me that he was an abusive person. Although I grew up in abuse, my grandmother was beaten, my aunts were beaten and it runs throughout my family, I was DETERMINED to break that cycle! You don't have to go through what you mother, your sister, your aunts or your friends went through. God gave me strength and He will to anyone else as well.
There are always signs that someone is emotionally unstable and it leads to violence. Although they may be able to hide that side of them for a season, it will eventually come to the surface and be as a roaring lion. Many women do not pay attention to the signs and it leads to abuse after an emotional bond has been established.
My attention and discernment from God saved me from abuse but if you are already in the situation, it is not too late. You can come out. God does not want any of us to live abused or in danger. We were created for a purpose and that purpose was not to be abused.
Many women endure domestic violence and they suffer silently. It could be your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your co-worker or even the women next to you in church giving God praise in spite of hardships and going forward as if nothing happened. It could even be YOU reading this! Domestic violence touches us all in some way as we are all a community and we are stronger together than we are apart.
If you are going through the pain of being beaten in your relationship, this is for you: Talk to a girlfriend, a pastor or someone whom you can trust. Develop a plan to safely leave. Every blow and every hit and every strike of a hand to someone is killing your spirit and it does not have to be.
If you or someone you know is going through a situation of domestic violence, contact me. I am praying with you and for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org
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