I was thinking this morning about a lot of things. One thing of the things that crossed my mind is when you stop looking for love, somehow or another, that is when it will come and find you.
"Please save me from myself I need You to save me from myself Please save me from myself so I can heal And then He came Selah..."
Those are some of the lyrics to my favorite Lauryn Hill song of all time called "Selah" (google it). While this song is speaking of the need for God to save her from herself, it is also applicable towards relationships. The thing we would need saving from...........is loneliness.
If you've been following this account, you know God has given me a heart to share tidbits of my life for the benefit of others. Well here is another part of my journey.
I know what it is to feel loneliness. It's only natural to desire companionship. While the Word of God is true that God will never leave or forsake you, let's be real, Jesus' physical body is not in your bed at night. While you may embrace your bible, it cannot physically hold you back!
I went through a season where I began to doubt God. I felt as though God was not honoring my prayers. For years, I would pray to God for a husband...and years later he is not here. I was and am saving myself through celibacy and even not causally dating as means of preparation. I was waiting for the one in "holiness", yet ppl who lived like DEMONS were blessed with marriage! I felt overlooked because I REALLY wanted companionship. While I never felt jealousy (well maybe just a little), I was happy for others while I sat waiting, I couldn't help but to think "When will it be MY time?"
In frustration, I cried while praying and told God..."I'M TIRED!!! I don't want to wait anymore. I'm living right but you are blessing everyone but me and I just want it to be MY TURN!!!" God's reply: "Wait. I'm not ready to share you. It's not your turn." Every scripture I opened to was about WAITING!!!
I...WAS...PISSED! But in my anger, I said "Fine! I accept what You are saying and will do it Your way but if you dont move soon, I'm done!" (Done with what, exactly? I dont know but I meant it! LOL!)
I committed to reading my bible more. Praying and worshiping more. Turning off the r & b smooth groove and replacing that with even more worship music. I started focusing more on MY future...without said "him". I committed to doing it His way but here was the problem: I felt FORCED into consecration so I did it grudgingly...but I kept doing it though I didn't feel like it.
Then one morning...I woke up. I felt the peace of God like never before. I desired prayer. I wanted worship. I enjoyed the thought of "doing me". Before I knew it, WEEKS had passed. I was in a new place. I was truly enjoying God. I LOVED doing me and living my life like it was golden. It was just God, my family, my education, my future, my health and me....and for once. I was cool with it...beyond cool.
I honestly didn't care if I had someone or not. My sentiment went from "I'm tired of being alone, God. When will it be my turn??" to "For THIS season I don't want him. Rush into marriage for what? To divorce? Naw, I'm good. Give me God and happiness within. He'll show up when it's suppose to happen but for now, I'm loving me and finally for once...I'm HAPPY! I can dig this!"
With this new found serenity I acquired from doing it "God's way" and refusing to be miserable due to my ungratefulness about who was on my arm (or the lack thereof), I found the greatest peace and joy of my life. It had only been weeks but I didn't care if I had to wait for years. My stance was that I trust GOD that He loves me enough to send me the right one for me when His wisdom knew it was the right time. Besides, I have work to do on myself...and I'm enjoying doing it. I FINALLY was at peace with trusting God and letting Him be in control.
That was it-to surrender my need for control of my life and letting Him take the lead!
Those weeks were the most blissful of my life. I enjoyed working on me and devoting my time to me, my future and God. I enjoyed it so much so that I went to a few extra church services when I had the opportunity. I was doing me, how I wanted to do me and I was glad about it! *snap, snap!!* :")
I went to church one night and then I saw someone who looked familiar but I wasn't sure if I knew him so I shrugged him off, turned my head and went about my business. A couple of nights later, I checked my Facebook messages.....turns out I knew him after all. :")
Am telling you he is to be my husband? Nope. What I AM saying is when I took my focus off my desires and put them on HIS desires for me, God sent me someone who has quickly become a precious friend who I appreciate more and more with each conversation...and if God does see fit for us to be married (I'm in NO rush), I know it would be great because we began first by building an extremely solid, beautiful friendship. I thank God for that daily.
The moral of the story-To despite companionship is natural. A desire for love is in all of us but never forget...GOD is LOVE #Bible!!!!! Even if it doesn't feel good, even when it hurts trust God. Depend on Him and let Him be your guide. When you do, even if it doesn't start that way, He'll give you peace and make you happy. Sometimes, all God wants from you in order for Him to move is for YOU to stop trying to be your OWN God by wanting control of everything and having your way in your timing!
It doesn't take long for God to move. He may send someone the next day. He sent my "friend" in weeks. Your story may not be mine. He may send someone to you in a shorter or longer amount of time but the key is to TRUST THAT HE WILL!
I wasn't thinking about a man and God put one.....a GOOD one...in my path. He has no respect a person. If He blessed me, surely He will for you...you just have to believe and show Him you do by your actions because after all...faith without works is DEAD!!!!
Love you guys and next time, I won't be gone so long...or write so long either! LOL!
Xoxoxo
Faye.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
All the Single Ladies
This one is strictly for the single ladies only....
I have a single relative. She is a young single mother to multiple children who in spite of past mistakes is in the process of making something out of herself. Although she is in the process, she is not in her "wealthy place" as of yet.
What I notice about her is rather disturbing though. She regularly says she is waiting on God to send her her Boaz, meaning a husband. I hear this from her all the time. What I also hear is her complaining, gossiping and having a negative attitude. She surrounds herself with catty women therefore she behaves that way as well. She also regularly says how much she wants to lose weight yet she is doing nothing about it. She does not have any money of her own yet she says she won't date a man who is a "scrub". And her house....is always dirty.
She is expecting her future husband to come on to the scene and rescue her yet she is doing none of this for herself. She, like many women, is waiting for Prince Charming to come along and take all of her struggles away yet she is doing nothing in the mean time to prepare for him. I believe in waiting on God...but I also know we also must show God that we can be trusted with what we are waiting on (Faith without works is DEAD!) . The same way God will not give you a raggedy man...He will not give His son a raggedy woman. And to all who say you want a Boaz...realize that Ruth was a hustler! She WORKED!
If you really believe that God is going to give you something, you need to prepare for that thing before it arrives! God will not give you a present only to watch you destroy it. If you believe you will be married one day, live the life of a wife now so you can show God that you are ready.
Clean your house. Keep up with the laundry. Keep your pantry stocked. Know how to cook. Keep yourself healthy. Know how to maintain a household income...which can only be done by going out and making you some money!
Stop waiting for Prince Charming to show up and make everything better. God gave you all of the abilities within yourself to make a better life for you. All you have to do is believe...and stop being lazy! Get your own money. Have your own life and while you are living the good life that God blessed you to earn, your "Boaz" will be watching you. He will have his eye on you and you may not even be aware of it. He is watching you build your empire and when he sees he can trust you, he will gladly welcome you into his.
Marriage is beautiful but so is your singleness. The beautiful thing about being single is now is the time that you can be selfish and focus on what you will bring to the table. Know what type of wife you want to be and be that woman now. Work on your career. Increase your education. Even get your body together! Purpose in your heart to stay away from silly women who will tarnish your spirit. Work on your life and abilities so that when who ever your God ordained husband is is released into your life, you will be able to be a help meet and not an additional burden to him.
He is not your Savior. Jesus is. :")
Until next time!
xoxoxoxo
I have a single relative. She is a young single mother to multiple children who in spite of past mistakes is in the process of making something out of herself. Although she is in the process, she is not in her "wealthy place" as of yet.
What I notice about her is rather disturbing though. She regularly says she is waiting on God to send her her Boaz, meaning a husband. I hear this from her all the time. What I also hear is her complaining, gossiping and having a negative attitude. She surrounds herself with catty women therefore she behaves that way as well. She also regularly says how much she wants to lose weight yet she is doing nothing about it. She does not have any money of her own yet she says she won't date a man who is a "scrub". And her house....is always dirty.
She is expecting her future husband to come on to the scene and rescue her yet she is doing none of this for herself. She, like many women, is waiting for Prince Charming to come along and take all of her struggles away yet she is doing nothing in the mean time to prepare for him. I believe in waiting on God...but I also know we also must show God that we can be trusted with what we are waiting on (Faith without works is DEAD!) . The same way God will not give you a raggedy man...He will not give His son a raggedy woman. And to all who say you want a Boaz...realize that Ruth was a hustler! She WORKED!
If you really believe that God is going to give you something, you need to prepare for that thing before it arrives! God will not give you a present only to watch you destroy it. If you believe you will be married one day, live the life of a wife now so you can show God that you are ready.
Clean your house. Keep up with the laundry. Keep your pantry stocked. Know how to cook. Keep yourself healthy. Know how to maintain a household income...which can only be done by going out and making you some money!
Stop waiting for Prince Charming to show up and make everything better. God gave you all of the abilities within yourself to make a better life for you. All you have to do is believe...and stop being lazy! Get your own money. Have your own life and while you are living the good life that God blessed you to earn, your "Boaz" will be watching you. He will have his eye on you and you may not even be aware of it. He is watching you build your empire and when he sees he can trust you, he will gladly welcome you into his.
Marriage is beautiful but so is your singleness. The beautiful thing about being single is now is the time that you can be selfish and focus on what you will bring to the table. Know what type of wife you want to be and be that woman now. Work on your career. Increase your education. Even get your body together! Purpose in your heart to stay away from silly women who will tarnish your spirit. Work on your life and abilities so that when who ever your God ordained husband is is released into your life, you will be able to be a help meet and not an additional burden to him.
He is not your Savior. Jesus is. :")
Until next time!
xoxoxoxo
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Seed of Betrayal
I was just speaking to a BEAUTIFUL young woman on Twitter and she was dealing with the issue of betrayal. That of course sparked a blog interest for me. LADIES, this one is for you (and any of you gents who can relate, smile)!
I remember a little over 10 years ago I had a nice boyfriend. He was cute. We grew up together. He was my friend. He jokingly referred to me as his wife and I comically (yet wishfully) would call him husband in return. It was a "teenage love affair". It was so innocent yet it was intense because we both had strong feelings for one another.
As time went on, I noticed him not calling as much...then not at all. Our communication stopped and me being me, I wanted to know what was going on. I also noticed that my best friend at the moment was not available as my rock to lean on as she usually was. (I'm sure you can see where this story is going...)
They were together. I started hearing rumors of their union. It came to a head when on Sunday morning, I learned it was true by seeing them together with my naked eyes. I, being the fire cracker that I am...was about to THROW DOWNNNNNN at church. Yes, I was going to fight her and if possible get a few licks in on him as well. Thank God my Godsister stepped in to calm me down and my Godbrother talked some sense into me. God sends you what you need right at the heat of the moment! Glory to You, Father!
Later that week, I made the decision to let go. Me holding on to my anger was not going to seperate them. Me being upset anytime they came around me was not going to change anything. I was at the crossroad of decision-to hate or choosing to love in spite of.
The next week I wrote him a letter in church explaining that although I did not like it, I forgave him AND her. I was releasing the hardness of MY heart for MY peace of mind. Not only that...I blessed their union. I told him I hope they were happy together and I meant EVERY word of it. Not sarcastically or to save face...I genuinely meant it. Giving that letter to him literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I felt lighter and at peace. I talked to him face to face as soon as service was over and we made up as friends. There no longer had to be awkwardness everytime we saw one another. She, however was unwilling to speak to me and as a matter of fact she was ANGERED by my forgiveness and my letter. What her problem was? I have no clue but she was MAD!
Although I was young at the time, the feeling of betrayal was very REAL! The feeling of betrayal ESPECIALLY over matters of the heart is harsh. It brings along with it feelings of envy, hatred, RAGE and heartbreak/sorrow...but the one part of us that is broken by betrayal is our PRIDE. All of those are very real emotions that surge through us when loved ones and even not so loved ones betray us. The choice is completely ours as to if we let that venom run through our veins or release it for God to handle, and choosing to drop our PRIDE in order to have peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a gift to give. Some choose to receive it (like my ex did) and some cannot receive your forgiveness (they say you are being "fake") due to the guilt eating at them from what they did (like my ex-bestfriend). Weither they receive it or not, GIVE IT! Bless them and move on. That is lifting the load of hard feelings and stony heart from YOUR shoulders and in the long-run, though it should not be your intent, leaping coals on their heads (Romans 12:19-21 GO read it NOW!). Forgive and get the bitterness out of your heart.
Forgiving someone is a beautiful process. You just have to get your PRIDE out of the way in order to do it. Once you do, your heart is lifted, HEALING begins, you gain wisdom and most importantly God is pleased!
Now I bet you are wondering how the story ends for me, him and her. At the time, I didn't know how things would work out. All I knew was that they hurt me and I chose to forgive them. When we are going through something, we don't have the provision of knowing what will happen later down the line. All we have is what's in our face at the moment and the faith to know things will be alright. Well, here is what happened to the new couple: They broke up. Why? She was a wounded girl who had been through a lot and used sex as a means to love. Basically-She left him because...um...turns out that she wanted to be a lesbian. I must confess that once I found out I jokingly told him "Well I'm GLAD we broke up if you are so terrible that you turn women the other way!" I was only kidding guys...*wink*
Now I don't glorify the fact that she did that to him. He was hurt and I didn't wish that on him. I realize she was doing that out of her own hurt and search for love. I'm just stating facts. :") While I do NOT rest in that what I will say is this-the bible holds TRUE when it says "Vengence is MINE, says God. Romans 12:19" He will SURELY repay. Don't think for a second that folks will get off scott free when you choose not to retaliate for their wrong doing. God will repay. You just stay humble.
Anyway, they ended up doing harm to each other. In the end God had stripped me of a man who clearly was not loyal, a friend who would clearly betray me if she felt so inclined and He gave me wisdom to share with other women in the same situation.
It hurt me...but it helped me. And I pray that this story has blessed you.
Forgive! It hurts now...but it will help you later.
Until we meet again....
xoxoxoxo
I remember a little over 10 years ago I had a nice boyfriend. He was cute. We grew up together. He was my friend. He jokingly referred to me as his wife and I comically (yet wishfully) would call him husband in return. It was a "teenage love affair". It was so innocent yet it was intense because we both had strong feelings for one another.
As time went on, I noticed him not calling as much...then not at all. Our communication stopped and me being me, I wanted to know what was going on. I also noticed that my best friend at the moment was not available as my rock to lean on as she usually was. (I'm sure you can see where this story is going...)
They were together. I started hearing rumors of their union. It came to a head when on Sunday morning, I learned it was true by seeing them together with my naked eyes. I, being the fire cracker that I am...was about to THROW DOWNNNNNN at church. Yes, I was going to fight her and if possible get a few licks in on him as well. Thank God my Godsister stepped in to calm me down and my Godbrother talked some sense into me. God sends you what you need right at the heat of the moment! Glory to You, Father!
Later that week, I made the decision to let go. Me holding on to my anger was not going to seperate them. Me being upset anytime they came around me was not going to change anything. I was at the crossroad of decision-to hate or choosing to love in spite of.
The next week I wrote him a letter in church explaining that although I did not like it, I forgave him AND her. I was releasing the hardness of MY heart for MY peace of mind. Not only that...I blessed their union. I told him I hope they were happy together and I meant EVERY word of it. Not sarcastically or to save face...I genuinely meant it. Giving that letter to him literally felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I felt lighter and at peace. I talked to him face to face as soon as service was over and we made up as friends. There no longer had to be awkwardness everytime we saw one another. She, however was unwilling to speak to me and as a matter of fact she was ANGERED by my forgiveness and my letter. What her problem was? I have no clue but she was MAD!
Although I was young at the time, the feeling of betrayal was very REAL! The feeling of betrayal ESPECIALLY over matters of the heart is harsh. It brings along with it feelings of envy, hatred, RAGE and heartbreak/sorrow...but the one part of us that is broken by betrayal is our PRIDE. All of those are very real emotions that surge through us when loved ones and even not so loved ones betray us. The choice is completely ours as to if we let that venom run through our veins or release it for God to handle, and choosing to drop our PRIDE in order to have peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a gift to give. Some choose to receive it (like my ex did) and some cannot receive your forgiveness (they say you are being "fake") due to the guilt eating at them from what they did (like my ex-bestfriend). Weither they receive it or not, GIVE IT! Bless them and move on. That is lifting the load of hard feelings and stony heart from YOUR shoulders and in the long-run, though it should not be your intent, leaping coals on their heads (Romans 12:19-21 GO read it NOW!). Forgive and get the bitterness out of your heart.
Forgiving someone is a beautiful process. You just have to get your PRIDE out of the way in order to do it. Once you do, your heart is lifted, HEALING begins, you gain wisdom and most importantly God is pleased!
Now I bet you are wondering how the story ends for me, him and her. At the time, I didn't know how things would work out. All I knew was that they hurt me and I chose to forgive them. When we are going through something, we don't have the provision of knowing what will happen later down the line. All we have is what's in our face at the moment and the faith to know things will be alright. Well, here is what happened to the new couple: They broke up. Why? She was a wounded girl who had been through a lot and used sex as a means to love. Basically-She left him because...um...turns out that she wanted to be a lesbian. I must confess that once I found out I jokingly told him "Well I'm GLAD we broke up if you are so terrible that you turn women the other way!" I was only kidding guys...*wink*
Now I don't glorify the fact that she did that to him. He was hurt and I didn't wish that on him. I realize she was doing that out of her own hurt and search for love. I'm just stating facts. :") While I do NOT rest in that what I will say is this-the bible holds TRUE when it says "Vengence is MINE, says God. Romans 12:19" He will SURELY repay. Don't think for a second that folks will get off scott free when you choose not to retaliate for their wrong doing. God will repay. You just stay humble.
Anyway, they ended up doing harm to each other. In the end God had stripped me of a man who clearly was not loyal, a friend who would clearly betray me if she felt so inclined and He gave me wisdom to share with other women in the same situation.
It hurt me...but it helped me. And I pray that this story has blessed you.
Forgive! It hurts now...but it will help you later.
Until we meet again....
xoxoxoxo
Sunday, October 2, 2011
When Love Hurts...
I'm currently watching a new show titled "Will to Live" on TVOne. In this particular episode, there was a drug crazed, abusive boyfriend who did not want his girlfriend to leave him. To sum up the story, the guy in the relationship told his woman something along the lines of "If I can't have you, nobody else can" and he said that because he felt her drifting away due to beatings and his abuse of drugs. The man, in a drug induced craze, shot his girlfriend at point blank range in the back of her head. He then turned the gun on himself. He died. She did not.
This reminded me of an abusive situation that I endured. I endured it as a child. My father, although he has changed DRASTICALLY, was "that guy". While he never physically hit my mother as the male did in the previous situation, he was abusive in every other way possible. He said the same line that I heard this man say "If I can't have you, nobody else will." My father would pull guns on my mother. In heated arguments, he would start to clean his beloved pistols and as a child, I was forced to endure this. My home was the soil that raised me and the seeds planted into me were of hatred and abuse. I was beaten and abused at the hands of my father. I was cursed out and threatened to be killed. My father has pulled guns on my sister in front of me. He even went as far as to make me hold a gun and point it after he beat me as a teen (this is SEVERE, psychological abuse).
Because I was a little girl who never felt the acceptance of my father (except for when I would physically beat a school mate up) and I never knew the safe, passionate love of a man, I was prone to the worst kind of men. I never knew healthy love so I did not demand it for myself. This holds true for many women who grew up in explosive households. I was an easy target to men who wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability and my longing to hear positive words of affirmation. I faced a potentially abusive situation but I got out.
I remember being on a date with a guy at his home when he asked me to massage his leg. I would not and when I refused he bent my finger back as far as he could get it to go. That HURT but I took that as a sign that he was crazy. For him to bend my finger as punishment for my being disobedient on only the second date, I knew eventually he would blow up on me in the future. I stayed polite throughout the remainder of us "hanging out", did whatever he asked of me to do and got out of his home. I knew to never see him again because the signs showed me that he was an abusive person. Although I grew up in abuse, my grandmother was beaten, my aunts were beaten and it runs throughout my family, I was DETERMINED to break that cycle! You don't have to go through what you mother, your sister, your aunts or your friends went through. God gave me strength and He will to anyone else as well.
There are always signs that someone is emotionally unstable and it leads to violence. Although they may be able to hide that side of them for a season, it will eventually come to the surface and be as a roaring lion. Many women do not pay attention to the signs and it leads to abuse after an emotional bond has been established.
My attention and discernment from God saved me from abuse but if you are already in the situation, it is not too late. You can come out. God does not want any of us to live abused or in danger. We were created for a purpose and that purpose was not to be abused.
Many women endure domestic violence and they suffer silently. It could be your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your co-worker or even the women next to you in church giving God praise in spite of hardships and going forward as if nothing happened. It could even be YOU reading this! Domestic violence touches us all in some way as we are all a community and we are stronger together than we are apart.
If you are going through the pain of being beaten in your relationship, this is for you: Talk to a girlfriend, a pastor or someone whom you can trust. Develop a plan to safely leave. Every blow and every hit and every strike of a hand to someone is killing your spirit and it does not have to be.
If you or someone you know is going through a situation of domestic violence, contact me. I am praying with you and for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org
This reminded me of an abusive situation that I endured. I endured it as a child. My father, although he has changed DRASTICALLY, was "that guy". While he never physically hit my mother as the male did in the previous situation, he was abusive in every other way possible. He said the same line that I heard this man say "If I can't have you, nobody else will." My father would pull guns on my mother. In heated arguments, he would start to clean his beloved pistols and as a child, I was forced to endure this. My home was the soil that raised me and the seeds planted into me were of hatred and abuse. I was beaten and abused at the hands of my father. I was cursed out and threatened to be killed. My father has pulled guns on my sister in front of me. He even went as far as to make me hold a gun and point it after he beat me as a teen (this is SEVERE, psychological abuse).
Because I was a little girl who never felt the acceptance of my father (except for when I would physically beat a school mate up) and I never knew the safe, passionate love of a man, I was prone to the worst kind of men. I never knew healthy love so I did not demand it for myself. This holds true for many women who grew up in explosive households. I was an easy target to men who wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability and my longing to hear positive words of affirmation. I faced a potentially abusive situation but I got out.
I remember being on a date with a guy at his home when he asked me to massage his leg. I would not and when I refused he bent my finger back as far as he could get it to go. That HURT but I took that as a sign that he was crazy. For him to bend my finger as punishment for my being disobedient on only the second date, I knew eventually he would blow up on me in the future. I stayed polite throughout the remainder of us "hanging out", did whatever he asked of me to do and got out of his home. I knew to never see him again because the signs showed me that he was an abusive person. Although I grew up in abuse, my grandmother was beaten, my aunts were beaten and it runs throughout my family, I was DETERMINED to break that cycle! You don't have to go through what you mother, your sister, your aunts or your friends went through. God gave me strength and He will to anyone else as well.
There are always signs that someone is emotionally unstable and it leads to violence. Although they may be able to hide that side of them for a season, it will eventually come to the surface and be as a roaring lion. Many women do not pay attention to the signs and it leads to abuse after an emotional bond has been established.
My attention and discernment from God saved me from abuse but if you are already in the situation, it is not too late. You can come out. God does not want any of us to live abused or in danger. We were created for a purpose and that purpose was not to be abused.
Many women endure domestic violence and they suffer silently. It could be your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your co-worker or even the women next to you in church giving God praise in spite of hardships and going forward as if nothing happened. It could even be YOU reading this! Domestic violence touches us all in some way as we are all a community and we are stronger together than we are apart.
If you are going through the pain of being beaten in your relationship, this is for you: Talk to a girlfriend, a pastor or someone whom you can trust. Develop a plan to safely leave. Every blow and every hit and every strike of a hand to someone is killing your spirit and it does not have to be.
If you or someone you know is going through a situation of domestic violence, contact me. I am praying with you and for you. Please visit http://www.thehotline.org
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
And The Beat Goes On....
"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before," Phillipians 3:13
It's been a while since I blogged anything. I have actually had a lot to say however I have not had the time. Tonight I said "Why not?" *I'm actually yawning at the moment so I will rush through this* :")
I was speaking with someone who is divorced and has been for quite some time. Her ex-husband still has deep feelings for her and honestly would like to remain in her life. Although they are divorced, they speak regularly (almost daily) and he regularly finds a reason to visit her house. She says she does not have feelings for him and she just talks to him.
Anyone who knows me intimately knows that I can be brutally honest at times. I was with her. I flat out asked "Why is he still hanging around? You all have been over for years!" Her reply was "He won't stop coming around until I get a new man."
This is not healthy. God cannot bless you with something new if you are still holding on to the old. You don't have room to receive! Your "hands" are already full, so you can't grasp hold of the newness coming your way. You cannot effectively move forward if you are still looking backward. You can say that you are "waiting on God" or what have you, but true faith is backed up with action (or quite frankly "Faith without works is dead! James 2:17")
If you really believe that God will bless you with something new, SHOW HIM! I challenge you to clean house. Clear your life of everything negative from your past. Cut off old relationships. If it's over, LET IT BE OVER! Let go of the old in anticipation of the new. Do whatever it takes. As much as you want God to bless you, go just that much harder in proving to Him that you are ready.
The past is done. Let go!
It's been a while since I blogged anything. I have actually had a lot to say however I have not had the time. Tonight I said "Why not?" *I'm actually yawning at the moment so I will rush through this* :")
I was speaking with someone who is divorced and has been for quite some time. Her ex-husband still has deep feelings for her and honestly would like to remain in her life. Although they are divorced, they speak regularly (almost daily) and he regularly finds a reason to visit her house. She says she does not have feelings for him and she just talks to him.
Anyone who knows me intimately knows that I can be brutally honest at times. I was with her. I flat out asked "Why is he still hanging around? You all have been over for years!" Her reply was "He won't stop coming around until I get a new man."
This is not healthy. God cannot bless you with something new if you are still holding on to the old. You don't have room to receive! Your "hands" are already full, so you can't grasp hold of the newness coming your way. You cannot effectively move forward if you are still looking backward. You can say that you are "waiting on God" or what have you, but true faith is backed up with action (or quite frankly "Faith without works is dead! James 2:17")
If you really believe that God will bless you with something new, SHOW HIM! I challenge you to clean house. Clear your life of everything negative from your past. Cut off old relationships. If it's over, LET IT BE OVER! Let go of the old in anticipation of the new. Do whatever it takes. As much as you want God to bless you, go just that much harder in proving to Him that you are ready.
The past is done. Let go!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Big C
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23
Believe it or not, I am a cancer survivor. The strange thing is that for the longest time, I was embarrassed by that testimony. To the outside person, "WHY?" would be the response to the fact that I was embarrassed by my survival. My response is that the enemy tried to shame me into silence. Not anymore! I am not ashamed of the fact that I have gone through some things but now I am healed, mind, body and spirit.
It started with my sinful life. I was a serial fornicator. That of course means that I was having sex outside of marriage. I thought that because I was only with that one man (to whom I lost my virginity) that it was not as "bad" so I should be ok. I could not be considered "whorish" because I had only been with one person. The problem was that I got so comfortable with him, that we stopped using protection in our sexual life. I was monogamous. He was not.
To sum up our story, he infected me with the HPV virus. Glory to God in the HIGHEST, it was not HIV or any other disease or virus. HPV is a commonly spread STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection). It does not always have symptoms and is only detected in women during a PAP smear. I had no symptoms and was unaware that I was sick.
I discovered my status when I lost my job. I lost my job, which meant I lost my healthcare benefits. I was still sexually active after I became unemployed so I needed birth control pills. I went to Planned Parenthood. In order to get the pills, I had to be examined to ensure I was healthy and not already pregnant, which is how I discovered that I was ill.
I discovered my status when I lost my job. I lost my job, which meant I lost my healthcare benefits. I was still sexually active after I became unemployed so I needed birth control pills. I went to Planned Parenthood. In order to get the pills, I had to be examined to ensure I was healthy and not already pregnant, which is how I discovered that I was ill.
You see, me losing my job saved my life. I did not like losing my job then but now that I see the bigger picture, I give God praise for upsetting my life to save my life! #ThatWillPREACH! Romans 8:28!!! Had I not lost my job, I would not have needed a doctor’s appointment. That means my aggressive cancer would have continued to go undiagnosed and I may have lost my life! THANK YA!!!!
Back to my story: As you may or may not know, HPV is a virus that leads to cervical cancer in women. There are different stands of the virus. Each strand is associated with a number. The lower the number associated with the strand of virus means the lower the chance of cancer. The strands start at number one and they increase by number. As the strand number increases, so does the danger level. Upon testing, I learned that my strand was in the double digits…the danger zone. Basically, this meant that my cervix was more than 50% destroyed and I had either pre-cancerous cells or cancer growing in my cervix.
I was able to find a job within 3 months of the diagnosis so I gained insurance. I immediately went to my regular gynecologist. She analyzed the results from Planned Parenthood and had me come in for a second test. I convinced myself that Planned Parenthood may have made a mistake. I would not accept the facts unless MY doctor told me. Again, the test came back positive. Now I not only had a STD looming over my head but she confirmed cancer in my body! WHAT????
I was a virgin two years prior and was only with one man the entire time. I was saved! I was a “good girl” who loved the Lord. I just struggled with sex. How could this happen to me when there were EXTREMELY loose women out there who got away with their sin with no repercussions (at least in my eyes)? Why me? Why is it that when other women have sex, they get off easy but when I do it, I get stricken with the shame of a STD and now cancer? I said what most anybody would say: "God, this is not fair!"
I got mad at God as though it was His fault. I said that He could have covered me but chose not to therefore I was angry with Him. It was ALL His fault! Ungrateful.com!!! I cried. OMG, I cried and was angry. I could have KILLED my partner! I blamed him as he was much older and I was just beginning to walk into womanhood. I placed the blame on everyone except for myself (IMMATURE!).
I got mad at God as though it was His fault. I said that He could have covered me but chose not to therefore I was angry with Him. It was ALL His fault! Ungrateful.com!!! I cried. OMG, I cried and was angry. I could have KILLED my partner! I blamed him as he was much older and I was just beginning to walk into womanhood. I placed the blame on everyone except for myself (IMMATURE!).
Planned Parenthood previously told me that most likely, IF I were able to conceive at all, I would not be able to hold my child in my body more than at the maximum, 5 months. All of my pregnancies would be high risk and I would have to be on bed rest to keep my child in my body. I would be required to have a C-section to birth my children because if the virus touched a child during childbirth, they could get cancer instantly in their eyes and/or throat. My greatest dream was to be a mother and now that dream was threatened.
After my pity party, my spirit man rose up. I was tired of crying and blaming everyone. I was tired of worrying. I said I would not receive that report from Planned Parenthood OR my OB/GYN. I wanted HEALING! I went to my pastor and told him that they were trying to tell me that I had cancer. He instantly rebuked it! He prayed then looked me in the eye and said, "I don’t care what the doctor says. You shall live and NOT die!"
My faith accepted that. I knew that I was now in the fight of my life and with the help of Christ, I would WIN! I was no longer willing to accept that I was a cancer patient. HPV was NOT an option for me! I would have all of the children that I wanted. My story was NOT going to end like this at the age of 19!!!! Yes, I was 19 when this happened. I was a virgin until I was 17. Two weeks before my 20th birthday, cervical cancer entered my world.
The next day, was the big test to see how "far gone" I was. I told my mother and she came with me. I knew that this was a fight but I had SUCH a sense of peace because I KNEW that I would live and not die! I was smiling. I was happy. I was actually giddy because I knew that it was not over for me. I still had a life to lead and work to do.
I sat on the table in the room as my doctor prepped me for what was to come. She would not even look me in my face. This intimidated me for a BRIEF moment but I chose to shake it off and stay in good cheer. My doctor pulled out diagrams of what my cervix was supposed to look like in my condition. She showed them to my mother but she was blatantly ignoring me. I felt like a criminal at trial when the jury comes back with a guilty verdict and will not look at the defendant. The fear returned to me. I silently began to cry.
I thank God for my momma because she did not judge me. She did not condemn me. She just held my hand and was there for me. I am so grateful that God was there for me spiritually and my mom was there for me naturally so that I was not alone.
The procedure then began. I will spare you the gruesome details but to sum it up, a piece of my cervix had to be removed and sent to a lab. The lab would rate the progression of the cancer cells. I was laying on the table as my doctor was conducting this procedure. I then heard an awkward noise. "Hmm," I heard my doctor say. My mom (being the protector she is) says "What?!"
"I don't see anything!!!" My spirit was now CHARGED with excitement. This was the same doctor who had just pulled out diagrams to explain how destroyed my insides were. Now she was confused because did not see anything that she should have seen for someone in my condition "I think I see a cell but there should be CLUSTERS of cells on the cervix. They are not there."
To be sure, she then takes a scalpel to cut through my cervix to find cells. The word OUCH does not suffice for the pain that I felt. Yet and still, the clusters of cells that she was looking for, she could not find. That chick sliced me for no reason! LOL!!! (Kidding, guys!)
That night, sore and all, I went to choir rehearsal. I did not care about pain. I KNEW that God had healed me and I was going to serve Him, limping and all!!! (That may not have been the wisest thing in the world to do but again, I was just turning 20 years old). Lol! I knew I was healed but I was just waiting for the confirmation from my doctor. She told me that I would hear from her in two weeks.
One week later, I got a phone call. I was not only cancer free but the HPV virus (which is a virus that stays in your blood stream for LIFE) was gone. By HIS stripes, I was completely and 100% healed!!
I give God so much praise because that cancer could have taken me out but He spared me to testify of His goodness! To any woman who reads this, I encourage you to stay on top of your yearly ob/gyn testing and visits. To anyone suffering with cancer, viruses or any other affliction, know that your doctor does not have the last say. God is in complete control and even if you are diagnosed with an ailment, know that Jesus already paid the price for your healing. Just walk in your healing by FAITH. Know that God has your back! I am a WITNESS, chile!
I used to be HORRIBLY embarrassed to tell that testimony simply because my cancer was brought on by my sin (unmarried sex) and also the fact that STD's are a "taboo" subject. The enemy wanted me to feel shame so that I would rob glory from God by not revealing my miraculous healing. The Word tells us that the wages of sin is death and that is what I encountered. What I also encountered was healing and redemption. I am NOT my past. I am NOT what I have been through and I will not be ashamed to tell what transpired because God is glorified! He healed me because I BELIEVED that He would. What a mighty God I serve. Thank You, JESUS!
Never be ashamed of your testimony. You would be amazed at how many people are in similar shoes to yours and shame prevents them from seeking help or has them feeling helpless. Once God removed the shame and I told my testimony, SO MANY WOMEN began to tell me how HPV has affected their lives. I give God praise knowing that He has no favorite children. If He healed me, He will heal anybody!
Tell of God's goodness. Someone needs to hear it!
"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony..." Revelation 12:11
There is freedom power in your testimony. Tell it!!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Your Legacy-A Message of Hope
Yesterday was Oprah's final episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show". I was not able to watch the show as meteorologist took over my television. There were multiple tornadic wall clouds throughout St. Louis (they dispersed, Glory to God!) so in order to watch the show, I had to watch the 3am replay. I'm not much of a sleeper so this was fine with me.
What I liked....no. What I loved about the final episode was that she gave glory to Jesus. Many people say God but shy away from the name Jesus. It was refreshing to hear her say that. I also enjoyed her teaching life lessons. She spoke on many lessons that inspired a sense of hope. She said a few things that stuck out to me. The first was "You are in control of your life. What your momma did does not control your life. What your daddy did does not control your life. You are in control of your life."
That was profound to me. Of course we know that God is our head and is in control of our lives (sinners and saints alike). That goes without saying. What we must also realize is that God does not override our free will. He has a plan for our lives/destiny but our obedience to His plan is our choice. We make the choice as to what we will do with our lives. Our lives, meaning the decisions we make for our lives, are in our control. There is power in every decision that we make.
What decisions are you making that are benefiting your destiny? Are you making choices that are hindering your progress? If so, it is not too late to change those choices. Do you have bad habits that need to be broken? Break them! You are one determined decision away from living your best life. Use your control and LIVE!
As the final credits started to role, I began to cry. Oprah is inspirational to me, however I was shocked that I was moved to the point of tears by the show ending. It was because it signified an end of an era in my life as a viewer. Where else can I get daily "Aha moments?" Lol! I thought about Oprah and the legacy that she leaves behind for daytime television and humanity as a whole: A legacy of giving and teaching.
I now ask you who are reading this: When you leave this earth, what will your legacy be? Will it be that you were a good Christian? Will it be that you were a giver? Will it be that you were mean? What will people not only say but feel about you when you depart this beautiful journey called 'life'?
Each day that you are living, you are leaving a little piece of you in the world. When you finally leave Earth (by death or rapture) all of those little pieces will be composed to one big picture. That big picture is your legacy. Make the determined decision that you will use everyday to build a legacy that you will be grateful, not fearful and embarrassed, to present before God on judgment day. I'm not just referring to a life that is obedient to the Word of God (though that is of the utmost importance). What I am also referring to in addition to righteous living, is a legacy of loving everybody, a legacy of kindness, a legacy of gentleness, a legacy of giving, a legacy of doing good deeds. What impact are you leaving on our world?
It is never too late to build an awesome, loving legacy. I love the quote "People don't care what you know or remember what you say. They care and remember how you made them feel." Be determined to ensure people feel the love of God every time you walk into a room, open your mouth or even cross the mind of someone else. As humans, we know our moods don't always live up to that. I am a witness myself! What is also true is if you don't put your best foot forward, it is wisdom to fix that experience with the person who did not see your best you. If you are a little short with someone or impatient in the moment, go back and fix it. Apologize.
Life is short. Everyday is a day that we cannot get back. EVERYDAY, you are leaving your imprint on the world. When all is said and done, live a life and let your legacy be so that when you stand before God on judgement day, He PROUDLY says "Well Done! You can come on in!"
What I liked....no. What I loved about the final episode was that she gave glory to Jesus. Many people say God but shy away from the name Jesus. It was refreshing to hear her say that. I also enjoyed her teaching life lessons. She spoke on many lessons that inspired a sense of hope. She said a few things that stuck out to me. The first was "You are in control of your life. What your momma did does not control your life. What your daddy did does not control your life. You are in control of your life."
That was profound to me. Of course we know that God is our head and is in control of our lives (sinners and saints alike). That goes without saying. What we must also realize is that God does not override our free will. He has a plan for our lives/destiny but our obedience to His plan is our choice. We make the choice as to what we will do with our lives. Our lives, meaning the decisions we make for our lives, are in our control. There is power in every decision that we make.
What decisions are you making that are benefiting your destiny? Are you making choices that are hindering your progress? If so, it is not too late to change those choices. Do you have bad habits that need to be broken? Break them! You are one determined decision away from living your best life. Use your control and LIVE!
As the final credits started to role, I began to cry. Oprah is inspirational to me, however I was shocked that I was moved to the point of tears by the show ending. It was because it signified an end of an era in my life as a viewer. Where else can I get daily "Aha moments?" Lol! I thought about Oprah and the legacy that she leaves behind for daytime television and humanity as a whole: A legacy of giving and teaching.
I now ask you who are reading this: When you leave this earth, what will your legacy be? Will it be that you were a good Christian? Will it be that you were a giver? Will it be that you were mean? What will people not only say but feel about you when you depart this beautiful journey called 'life'?
Each day that you are living, you are leaving a little piece of you in the world. When you finally leave Earth (by death or rapture) all of those little pieces will be composed to one big picture. That big picture is your legacy. Make the determined decision that you will use everyday to build a legacy that you will be grateful, not fearful and embarrassed, to present before God on judgment day. I'm not just referring to a life that is obedient to the Word of God (though that is of the utmost importance). What I am also referring to in addition to righteous living, is a legacy of loving everybody, a legacy of kindness, a legacy of gentleness, a legacy of giving, a legacy of doing good deeds. What impact are you leaving on our world?
It is never too late to build an awesome, loving legacy. I love the quote "People don't care what you know or remember what you say. They care and remember how you made them feel." Be determined to ensure people feel the love of God every time you walk into a room, open your mouth or even cross the mind of someone else. As humans, we know our moods don't always live up to that. I am a witness myself! What is also true is if you don't put your best foot forward, it is wisdom to fix that experience with the person who did not see your best you. If you are a little short with someone or impatient in the moment, go back and fix it. Apologize.
Life is short. Everyday is a day that we cannot get back. EVERYDAY, you are leaving your imprint on the world. When all is said and done, live a life and let your legacy be so that when you stand before God on judgement day, He PROUDLY says "Well Done! You can come on in!"
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tick Tock Goes My Biological Clock
You know, this was SOOO not suppose to be a women's empowerment blog but that seems to be a common theme with me. Anywho...Here's another piece of my heart.
So once again, I do not put a lot of personal information online but know that I am a woman of "a certain age" (Lol!). I have never been married and I do not have children. What I am noticing more and more is that as my age increases year by year, people are becoming more and more questioning of me.
"When are you getting married?" "Isn't it about time that I should be getting an invitation to your wedding?" "It's time for you to settle down!" "What are you waiting on? You ain't getting no younger!" People (mainly older women) BOLDLY make those proclamations to me. I laugh it off because this is my philosophy: "It is better to be single and happy than married and miserable (like majority of the people that are rushing me to the altar are feeling!)" #BOOM
People who have watched me grow up boldly approach my mother asking why am I not married and is there a reason that my I have not yet given birth. I deal with that often but what I hear even more than marriage questions is BABY QUESTIONS!
"When do you plan on having babies?", "You would have such pretty babies! Don't you want them?", "What are you waiting on?" and MY FAVORITE ONE: "You need to hurry up and have babies! You want to be able to enjoy your kids (as if my age determines that!)." My mother is even now outwardly expressing that she is excitedly awaiting the day to obtain the title "Granny!"
I'm sure I am not the only one with family, friends and associates thinking that because you were not married by the time you were 23, you are moving too slow! It's as though people believe that all of the good men will be taken (or gay) if I don't rush and snag one. They also seem to believe that my eggs have an expiration date.
If you are in that same boat, honey you are not alone. Here is my response to ALL of the concern for my pace through life:
Marriage:
Once I'm married, I will be married for good. I want to enjoy my man and our marriage but until GOD, and I mean God (not selfish desires) sends him my way, I will continue to enjoy my life as a single. I do not have to follow the timeline trends of people. I will not rush into a permanent situation to appease the concern of pessimistic thinkers. If it is meant to be, it will be. Please, be seated!
Biological Clock:
If God let Abraham and Sarah have children in their old age, I think I'll be alright. God is the creator of the world, the ruler of time. Time is in His hand and so is my UTERUS, thank you very much! God controls my biological clock and since I am doing things His way and in His timing, I am positive that He is hitting the snooze button for the moment and not unplugging the "clock" altogether. I will have babies in His timing, not others, as I am sure that the same noisy people won't be buying the diapers needed throughout my babies' infancy.
Being single is not a punishment. It is the time to enjoy YOU because once you marry it's no longer a YOU! The two become one. Upon marriage, my concern won't be for ME...it will be for WE! I'm enjoying my singleness as this is the appropriate time to be selfish.
Let nobody rush you through life. Take things slowly at a pace in which you are comfortable. Marriage and childbirth are an important part of your life but don't commit to these things until you are ready. Forget people! People will ALWAYS find a way to criticize you for something in life and if you cave in to it, you will always live your life to please others. Living your life to please people is to live life mentally and spiritually imprisoned. Free yourself!
Your life is not any more or less valuable, depending on your relationship status.
You are not more or less of a woman based upon when or even IF you give birth. Look at Oprah.
Take a listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs
God bless you!
xoxo
Faye.
So once again, I do not put a lot of personal information online but know that I am a woman of "a certain age" (Lol!). I have never been married and I do not have children. What I am noticing more and more is that as my age increases year by year, people are becoming more and more questioning of me.
"When are you getting married?" "Isn't it about time that I should be getting an invitation to your wedding?" "It's time for you to settle down!" "What are you waiting on? You ain't getting no younger!" People (mainly older women) BOLDLY make those proclamations to me. I laugh it off because this is my philosophy: "It is better to be single and happy than married and miserable (like majority of the people that are rushing me to the altar are feeling!)" #BOOM
People who have watched me grow up boldly approach my mother asking why am I not married and is there a reason that my I have not yet given birth. I deal with that often but what I hear even more than marriage questions is BABY QUESTIONS!
"When do you plan on having babies?", "You would have such pretty babies! Don't you want them?", "What are you waiting on?" and MY FAVORITE ONE: "You need to hurry up and have babies! You want to be able to enjoy your kids (as if my age determines that!)." My mother is even now outwardly expressing that she is excitedly awaiting the day to obtain the title "Granny!"
I'm sure I am not the only one with family, friends and associates thinking that because you were not married by the time you were 23, you are moving too slow! It's as though people believe that all of the good men will be taken (or gay) if I don't rush and snag one. They also seem to believe that my eggs have an expiration date.
If you are in that same boat, honey you are not alone. Here is my response to ALL of the concern for my pace through life:
Marriage:
Once I'm married, I will be married for good. I want to enjoy my man and our marriage but until GOD, and I mean God (not selfish desires) sends him my way, I will continue to enjoy my life as a single. I do not have to follow the timeline trends of people. I will not rush into a permanent situation to appease the concern of pessimistic thinkers. If it is meant to be, it will be. Please, be seated!
Biological Clock:
If God let Abraham and Sarah have children in their old age, I think I'll be alright. God is the creator of the world, the ruler of time. Time is in His hand and so is my UTERUS, thank you very much! God controls my biological clock and since I am doing things His way and in His timing, I am positive that He is hitting the snooze button for the moment and not unplugging the "clock" altogether. I will have babies in His timing, not others, as I am sure that the same noisy people won't be buying the diapers needed throughout my babies' infancy.
Being single is not a punishment. It is the time to enjoy YOU because once you marry it's no longer a YOU! The two become one. Upon marriage, my concern won't be for ME...it will be for WE! I'm enjoying my singleness as this is the appropriate time to be selfish.
Let nobody rush you through life. Take things slowly at a pace in which you are comfortable. Marriage and childbirth are an important part of your life but don't commit to these things until you are ready. Forget people! People will ALWAYS find a way to criticize you for something in life and if you cave in to it, you will always live your life to please others. Living your life to please people is to live life mentally and spiritually imprisoned. Free yourself!
Your life is not any more or less valuable, depending on your relationship status.
You are not more or less of a woman based upon when or even IF you give birth. Look at Oprah.
Take a listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs
God bless you!
xoxo
Faye.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I Forgot to Forget...
"Forgive but don't you ever forget!" How many of you were taught that lesson? *raises my own hand*
Men, you can ease drop on this one. This is for the ladies: After reading this, take time to think about what was said...
WOMEN do not forget ANYTHING! We can forgive but we will always remember. We are emotional creatures and that is a part of our makeup! We are taught to forgive someone but not forget what they did .
I was content with that way of thinking, to forgive but never forget because that is what I was taught to do.Well, I realized that I was so WRONG! I was reading Hebrews 10 and at verse 17 it says "Then He adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." This thought process came to me: If God Himself forgets what we do when we ask for forgiveness, why can't I forget what people do to me? Why is it necessary to hold on to the memory? Here's the answer: Women do not forget because women have a hard time TRUSTING!!!! When you know the source of a problem (the root) you have the power to change it. So to anyone who is practicing "Forgive, but never forget," Congratulations. You now know that you have a problem trusting people. FIX IT!
I am COMMITTED to changing that behavior. You should, also. I remember watching Gerald and Tammi Haddon discuss marriage on YouTube (the link is below). Gerald said there is NO worse feeling than to argue with his wife and she brings up something that happened more than 10 years ago that she said she forgave him for. This is true in any relationship, not just marriage. It is a HORRIFIC feeling to have messed up, apologize and ask for forgiveness and then have the situation brought back up later on.
In order to have a healthy relationship, you MUST be able to trust your partner. We are humans and we mess up but with the same mercy you want your boo to show you, you must be willing to give it as well. Trust them and if they make a mistake, forgive them and LET IT GO by forgetting and NOT BRINGING IT UP AGAIN! Am I saying be foolish and stay with someone who is regularly hurting you and betraying your trust? NO! But I am saying if you have a jewel that is worth keeping, you must forgive and forget and that comes in trusting.
LEARN TO FORGET!
Watch this video of Gerald and Tammi Haddon (10 years of marriage, Woop Woop!) and listen. Start at 5 minutes and 30 seconds to see what I was referring to....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1HMJNLQclQ
Men, you can ease drop on this one. This is for the ladies: After reading this, take time to think about what was said...
WOMEN do not forget ANYTHING! We can forgive but we will always remember. We are emotional creatures and that is a part of our makeup! We are taught to forgive someone but not forget what they did .
I was content with that way of thinking, to forgive but never forget because that is what I was taught to do.Well, I realized that I was so WRONG! I was reading Hebrews 10 and at verse 17 it says "Then He adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." This thought process came to me: If God Himself forgets what we do when we ask for forgiveness, why can't I forget what people do to me? Why is it necessary to hold on to the memory? Here's the answer: Women do not forget because women have a hard time TRUSTING!!!! When you know the source of a problem (the root) you have the power to change it. So to anyone who is practicing "Forgive, but never forget," Congratulations. You now know that you have a problem trusting people. FIX IT!
I am COMMITTED to changing that behavior. You should, also. I remember watching Gerald and Tammi Haddon discuss marriage on YouTube (the link is below). Gerald said there is NO worse feeling than to argue with his wife and she brings up something that happened more than 10 years ago that she said she forgave him for. This is true in any relationship, not just marriage. It is a HORRIFIC feeling to have messed up, apologize and ask for forgiveness and then have the situation brought back up later on.
In order to have a healthy relationship, you MUST be able to trust your partner. We are humans and we mess up but with the same mercy you want your boo to show you, you must be willing to give it as well. Trust them and if they make a mistake, forgive them and LET IT GO by forgetting and NOT BRINGING IT UP AGAIN! Am I saying be foolish and stay with someone who is regularly hurting you and betraying your trust? NO! But I am saying if you have a jewel that is worth keeping, you must forgive and forget and that comes in trusting.
LEARN TO FORGET!
Watch this video of Gerald and Tammi Haddon (10 years of marriage, Woop Woop!) and listen. Start at 5 minutes and 30 seconds to see what I was referring to....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1HMJNLQclQ
Friday, May 20, 2011
Caught Up!
""However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows." Matthew 24:36 NLT
*This is going to be another "churchy" blog. Bear with me! :")
May 21, 2011 is tomorrow and unfortunately the world is on alert as Harold Camping has created a mathematical theory that says that at 6pm in whatever part of the world you are in, there will be an earthquake. This is the rapture (so...where is the trumpet sounding and those who died in Christ rising from their sleep? Where is Jesus being seen in the clouds in all of this???). Then by October 2011, God will destroy the entire universe.
This theory irks my very soul and I'm sure that God is not pleased, either. The bible clearly mentions what is suppose to happen during the rapture. Nowhere does Harold Camping even mention Jesus! He just relies on an earthquake going around the world for 24 hours on May 21, 2011. According to him, there is no great tribulation period (7 years) because by October, Earth will be no more.
There are so many holes in his theory that I could elaborate on but I would be typing for a couple hours. Just know this: The bible is right and Harold Camping is WRONG! If Jesus said that ONLY the Father knows, if Harold Camping is not the Father (which he is not), then sadly he is as inaccurate as he was years ago when he predicted that the rapture would happen in September of 1994 (yes, this is his SECOND time predicting the rapture)!
What bothers me with this all is that I feel as though this is giving leeway to secular arenas to make a mockery of the church because of this false prophet! Of course, we can't judge him and I am not. I am just stating a fact and the fact is that Harold Camping is a false prophet and for this sin, he will be held accountable.
This is a perfect example of why you should study the Word for yourself so that you will not be weak prey to falsehood.
(Disclaimer: I don't use the title of "Prophetess" online because I feel like it is the "in thing" for people to have great titles that most of them honestly don't live up to. It is CRAZY to me how many people have these grand titles but bear NO fruit to match. I have the title and truth be told, sometimes I prefer not to have it OR the office/authority, so why people flock to be known as "Prophet, Bishop, Apostle So and So" is BEYOND me! Any REAL prophet can testify that this is NOT a calling that you want because there is a huge price to pay. I treasure my calling but I really don't need the fan fair of a title. Call me Faye. *sorry for that vent just now! LOL! Back to business* I do walk in the office of a prophet so here's a lesson that you must remember about any prophecy-God will NEVER contradict His Word. If what a prophet tells you (God's spoken Word) does not match what the Bible says (God's written Word), throw that "word" away. They lied!).
While my spirit is grieved for the people who have accepted the lie about May 21st to be true and for the people who are using this situation as propaganda as to why you should not believe in the Bible, I rest knowing that God will be glorified. One day the REAL rapture will take place and if I have not yet passed, then I too will be raptured out of here and headed HOME! I just pray that everyone who reads this will be ready as well!
"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night" 1 Thessalonians 5:2
*This is going to be another "churchy" blog. Bear with me! :")
May 21, 2011 is tomorrow and unfortunately the world is on alert as Harold Camping has created a mathematical theory that says that at 6pm in whatever part of the world you are in, there will be an earthquake. This is the rapture (so...where is the trumpet sounding and those who died in Christ rising from their sleep? Where is Jesus being seen in the clouds in all of this???). Then by October 2011, God will destroy the entire universe.
This theory irks my very soul and I'm sure that God is not pleased, either. The bible clearly mentions what is suppose to happen during the rapture. Nowhere does Harold Camping even mention Jesus! He just relies on an earthquake going around the world for 24 hours on May 21, 2011. According to him, there is no great tribulation period (7 years) because by October, Earth will be no more.
There are so many holes in his theory that I could elaborate on but I would be typing for a couple hours. Just know this: The bible is right and Harold Camping is WRONG! If Jesus said that ONLY the Father knows, if Harold Camping is not the Father (which he is not), then sadly he is as inaccurate as he was years ago when he predicted that the rapture would happen in September of 1994 (yes, this is his SECOND time predicting the rapture)!
What bothers me with this all is that I feel as though this is giving leeway to secular arenas to make a mockery of the church because of this false prophet! Of course, we can't judge him and I am not. I am just stating a fact and the fact is that Harold Camping is a false prophet and for this sin, he will be held accountable.
This is a perfect example of why you should study the Word for yourself so that you will not be weak prey to falsehood.
(Disclaimer: I don't use the title of "Prophetess" online because I feel like it is the "in thing" for people to have great titles that most of them honestly don't live up to. It is CRAZY to me how many people have these grand titles but bear NO fruit to match. I have the title and truth be told, sometimes I prefer not to have it OR the office/authority, so why people flock to be known as "Prophet, Bishop, Apostle So and So" is BEYOND me! Any REAL prophet can testify that this is NOT a calling that you want because there is a huge price to pay. I treasure my calling but I really don't need the fan fair of a title. Call me Faye. *sorry for that vent just now! LOL! Back to business* I do walk in the office of a prophet so here's a lesson that you must remember about any prophecy-God will NEVER contradict His Word. If what a prophet tells you (God's spoken Word) does not match what the Bible says (God's written Word), throw that "word" away. They lied!).
While my spirit is grieved for the people who have accepted the lie about May 21st to be true and for the people who are using this situation as propaganda as to why you should not believe in the Bible, I rest knowing that God will be glorified. One day the REAL rapture will take place and if I have not yet passed, then I too will be raptured out of here and headed HOME! I just pray that everyone who reads this will be ready as well!
"For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night" 1 Thessalonians 5:2
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
A "Touchy" Subject (Pun Intended)
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" Romans 12:2
*This one will be a little bit more churchy due to the questions I was asked. If you're not quite "there" spiritually, don't worry. You can follow along and still understand. I don't get all deep and philosophical on you! :")
Last night, I took the time to write a blog about celibacy. I prayed about it which is why I wrote it. I got feedback from some people on Twitter and I am grateful for it because that means that the writing was not in vain. I pray that God touches someone through what is said on this page. Well, multiple people questioned about one particular topic that I was led to speak on. That topic is masturbation. While this blog page is not dedicated to sex (or the lack thereof), this blog IS dedicated to being real, honest and uncanny about life's issues affecting us as a people so that we can successfully walk the Christian walk. For so long in the church, there have been issues that need to be discussed and taught about yet they remain swept under a rug due to seeming taboo. The main thing that seems to be taboo in the church is sex.
Believe it or not, there are people in the church who are having sex or struggling to not commit the act and YES, they are saved! There are unmarried Christians who are sexually active. Should they be? NO! Should you be overeating? NO! Should you be on the phone gossiping when the bible specifically tells us to live a quiet life and mind our own business (1 Thess. 4:11)? NO! We cannot judge one another. That's God's job and He does all things well. It is our job to tell the truth in love including on the subject of sex. For those who are having sex and are YET saved, as their love for God begins to increase and their self-discipline increases, they will let go of the sin. Until they can successfully live a life free of fornication, they still need help in the "right now" of dealing with those sexual desires as they mature to the place of being able to control their flesh. Before you look down on those who are sexually active, remember "And such were some of you!" (1 Corinthians 6:11).
I personally realize that we do not know what we are not taught and many spiritual leaders are not teaching on how to be "Successfully Saved and Single" as many of our leaders do not know what it is like to be an adult who has to go years without being sexually active or without a romantic companion at all (dating). We are to help one another, so somebody needs to drop their fear of public scrutiny and speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God (and I ain't NEVA scurred [scared]! I'm SO St. Louis Lol!)
Well, the question posed was "Are unmarried Christians allowed to masturbate to help them get through their "singleness" without fornicating and of course can I back up the answer with the word of God". Ok...well here goes!
What does the bible say about masturbation?
Nothing. Next question please? (lol!)
Since the bible does not address it, can an unmarried Christian masturbate and it not be a sin?
This is a touchy subject. Well...the bible does not say anything about pornography nor smoking cigarettes either. Let's not focus on what the bible does not say and focus on applying what it does say to this subject. Here are some scriptures to look at:
"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart" 2 Timothy 2:22
"Dearly beloved, I beseech [you] as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;" 1Peter 2:11
"[This] I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16
So the question is:
What is lust? According to Strong's Concordance (Greek, 1939 entry), lust is a longing especially for what's forbidden; Are you LONGING for something that you can't have (sex, food, money, a spouse, etc.)? Congratulations. You are lusting for it. #FACT.
Masturbation is used (by yourself) to achieve sexual satisfaction at that moment. That moment is brought upon by lust (longing for sexual activity that you cannot have). In that moment, you are lusting for sex. Now, those who are unmarried should not be having ANY sexual contact. Therefore, I conclude that to commit a sexual act (masturbating) in order to receive sexual gratification brought upon by lustful feelings is indeed a sin. In 5 words or less, "Masturbation is a sin."
If you do not agree, I would suggest that you contact a spiritual leader in whom you can trust about this subject and ask for a second opinion. I'm licensed...but I'm not your spiritual mother. You are not under my spiritual leadership so if you have a question, you should always feel free to ask someone else (my feelings won't be hurt! Lol! I actually will be happy because those who are spiritually mature do not just take the word (opinion) of someone else...they research the Word for themselves!)
I practice what I preach so I will put it out there for clarification...NO, I don't do "it"! Thank you very much! LOL! Remember in the previous blog, I said that I threw stuff out of frustration in a "moment" a while ago. Yep, that's why I threw it! Could that (me throwing out of anger) be a sin in that moment? Yes, because I had sinful desires in my heart and I was angry that I could not fulfil the lust of the flesh but all I can do is be honest. In that moment, I was desiring for something that I could not have and instead of getting the thought out of my head and moving on (2 Cor 10:5, Phil 2:5), I chose to get angry and start throwing stuff! LOL!!! I repented, saints. I know better now. :")
Anyway, that was my two cents on the topic and again, if you disagree with what I have concluded based upon scriptures, ask a spiritual leader in whom you can trust that will not be too shy to answer.
Love you guys! Agape!
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service." Romans 12:1
*This one will be a little bit more churchy due to the questions I was asked. If you're not quite "there" spiritually, don't worry. You can follow along and still understand. I don't get all deep and philosophical on you! :")
Last night, I took the time to write a blog about celibacy. I prayed about it which is why I wrote it. I got feedback from some people on Twitter and I am grateful for it because that means that the writing was not in vain. I pray that God touches someone through what is said on this page. Well, multiple people questioned about one particular topic that I was led to speak on. That topic is masturbation. While this blog page is not dedicated to sex (or the lack thereof), this blog IS dedicated to being real, honest and uncanny about life's issues affecting us as a people so that we can successfully walk the Christian walk. For so long in the church, there have been issues that need to be discussed and taught about yet they remain swept under a rug due to seeming taboo. The main thing that seems to be taboo in the church is sex.
Believe it or not, there are people in the church who are having sex or struggling to not commit the act and YES, they are saved! There are unmarried Christians who are sexually active. Should they be? NO! Should you be overeating? NO! Should you be on the phone gossiping when the bible specifically tells us to live a quiet life and mind our own business (1 Thess. 4:11)? NO! We cannot judge one another. That's God's job and He does all things well. It is our job to tell the truth in love including on the subject of sex. For those who are having sex and are YET saved, as their love for God begins to increase and their self-discipline increases, they will let go of the sin. Until they can successfully live a life free of fornication, they still need help in the "right now" of dealing with those sexual desires as they mature to the place of being able to control their flesh. Before you look down on those who are sexually active, remember "And such were some of you!" (1 Corinthians 6:11).
I personally realize that we do not know what we are not taught and many spiritual leaders are not teaching on how to be "Successfully Saved and Single" as many of our leaders do not know what it is like to be an adult who has to go years without being sexually active or without a romantic companion at all (dating). We are to help one another, so somebody needs to drop their fear of public scrutiny and speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God (and I ain't NEVA scurred [scared]! I'm SO St. Louis Lol!)
Well, the question posed was "Are unmarried Christians allowed to masturbate to help them get through their "singleness" without fornicating and of course can I back up the answer with the word of God". Ok...well here goes!
What does the bible say about masturbation?
Nothing. Next question please? (lol!)
Since the bible does not address it, can an unmarried Christian masturbate and it not be a sin?
This is a touchy subject. Well...the bible does not say anything about pornography nor smoking cigarettes either. Let's not focus on what the bible does not say and focus on applying what it does say to this subject. Here are some scriptures to look at:
"Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart" 2 Timothy 2:22
"Dearly beloved, I beseech [you] as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;" 1Peter 2:11
"[This] I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." Galatians 5:16
So the question is:
What is lust? According to Strong's Concordance (Greek, 1939 entry), lust is a longing especially for what's forbidden; Are you LONGING for something that you can't have (sex, food, money, a spouse, etc.)? Congratulations. You are lusting for it. #FACT.
Masturbation is used (by yourself) to achieve sexual satisfaction at that moment. That moment is brought upon by lust (longing for sexual activity that you cannot have). In that moment, you are lusting for sex. Now, those who are unmarried should not be having ANY sexual contact. Therefore, I conclude that to commit a sexual act (masturbating) in order to receive sexual gratification brought upon by lustful feelings is indeed a sin. In 5 words or less, "Masturbation is a sin."
If you do not agree, I would suggest that you contact a spiritual leader in whom you can trust about this subject and ask for a second opinion. I'm licensed...but I'm not your spiritual mother. You are not under my spiritual leadership so if you have a question, you should always feel free to ask someone else (my feelings won't be hurt! Lol! I actually will be happy because those who are spiritually mature do not just take the word (opinion) of someone else...they research the Word for themselves!)
I practice what I preach so I will put it out there for clarification...NO, I don't do "it"! Thank you very much! LOL! Remember in the previous blog, I said that I threw stuff out of frustration in a "moment" a while ago. Yep, that's why I threw it! Could that (me throwing out of anger) be a sin in that moment? Yes, because I had sinful desires in my heart and I was angry that I could not fulfil the lust of the flesh but all I can do is be honest. In that moment, I was desiring for something that I could not have and instead of getting the thought out of my head and moving on (2 Cor 10:5, Phil 2:5), I chose to get angry and start throwing stuff! LOL!!! I repented, saints. I know better now. :")
Anyway, that was my two cents on the topic and again, if you disagree with what I have concluded based upon scriptures, ask a spiritual leader in whom you can trust that will not be too shy to answer.
Love you guys! Agape!
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service." Romans 12:1
The Real McCoy (Let's Talk Sex...)
*Disclaimer: Although I am a minister, this posting is not limited just to Christians. This is for anybody.
I started blogging in January of 2011 but I found myself getting distracted. I didn't stick to it so I shut the page down. Recently, it has been on my heart to start back blogging. I actively began to tweet with a purpose on Twitter (I'm sure I will cover that later) and there are times when there is so much that I want to say that 140 just is not enough space to get it out. To avoid "rapid fire" tweeting and annoying people by filling up their time lines, it was on my heart to get back to blogging. I love writing so this should be interesting.
Sunday, before service, it was on my heart to speak about celibacy. That Thursday evening prior, I watched an episode of "LisaRaye: The Real McCoy" on TvOne. In the episode of her reality show, she was on a spiritual journey to get closer to God after much time away. The journey led her to "Woman Thou Art Loosed" with Bishop Jakes. Before service, she spoke with the beautiful First Lady Serita Jakes and she was presented the opportunity to have a "girlfriend's chat" in which she could asked any questions that she had. One of her concerns about her journey was concerning celibacy. She voiced "I want to have sex!". First Lady Jakes gave the cutest response ever. She simply stated "Well, you're just going to have to put a cap on that, precious." Hi-freaking-larious but so true.
Now, we all know that the bible teaches against fornication which is the participation in sexual activity outside of the covenant of marriage. According to the bible, since LisaRaye is no longer married, for her to have sex right now would be a sin, which was her concern. She is an unmarried Christian...who is struggling with celibacy. This issue was in my spirit on Sunday. I began to tweet about it yet because I was in the sanctuary and service was beginning in 10 minutes, I could not go into depth about it. I did two tweets and they said:
"#Celibacy is not easy especially when you've had good sex before (YES, I SAID IT!!!) but it's possible and extremely rewarding. #ImAWitness".
A beautiful woman responded to that, saying that she wanted to try celibacy but that she knew that it would not be easy. I, of course responded to her but did not go into details because again, service was about to start and I don't tweet in during service (And neither should you. We can all shut down the outside world for an hour or two to honor God...GRRR! Lol).
While watching Oprah the other day, she was reviewing footage from the past. In one particular episode, a young woman was battling anorexia. Oprah has someone on the show who had beaten the disorder to talk to the young woman. The survivor was coaching the young woman and saying that she had to conqueror the illness with her mind beginning with her thoughts. The woman responded saying "I can't do it. I don't know." The survivor responded with some generic, politically correct answer but did not give her a step by step response with instructions, detailing how to defeat anorexia. She did not teach her what she had learned. The young woman unfortunately lost her battle to the disease and died. Oprah in turn said that was a paradigm shift for her, letting her know that you can't just tell people what to do but to be successful in helping someone, you must teach them how to do what must be done to help them. Now back to sex, or the lack thereof. :")
It is easy to tell someone that because they are not married that they should not be having sex but how many people, ESPECIALLY IN THE CHURCH, are teaching people how to be successfully celibate? I know from personal experience feeling like "Don't tell me not to have sex but yet you never have been in this position!" as most of our pastors and spiritual leaders are married. It's hard for me to listen to you tell me not to do the do when you go home to a warm body in your bed and have never gone YEARS without sex before. It's nearly impossible to teach someone about something that you have never been through. I personally have not been taught how to successfully be in this position of abstaining until marriage to give my body away by someone who has successfully done it.
Let me start by saying that while I do NOT put much personal information online because there are some very SPECIAL people in the world, I will say this. If you are not married, you are single, therefore I am single. Period. I also am not sexually active. I have been celibate for 2 years come June of 2011. Before that, I was celibate but "slipped up" one time in that year and the same for the year before that. So in all actuality, come June 1, it will mean in 4 years, I have had sex 2 times. I had a pattern of "falling" once a year. *Kanye Shrug* but I have overcome that. (shondo bo sha ta ya! Lol)
Why am I celibate:
My PERSONAL reason for being celibate is because I am not married and I know that God views it as a sin. I choose to honor God and my future husband by disciplining my body and protecting my virtue until I am married.
Is it hard to go without sex:
Is the sky blue? You gosh darn right it is hard...sometimes! It is not easy to go without sex. What benefits me though is my relationship with God. Because of the Holy Spirit, I am able to abstain because I have that help from Him! That is why if you are not in a loving relationship with the Father, I encourage you to develop one. I know to go from having an active sex life that I enjoyed to going without it at all would be impossible if God was not with me!
How To Be Successfully Celibate:
Every person is different so your coping may be different than mine. I will not be "spiritually deep" here because that is not realistic. I will be as honest as I can. Some days are better than others meaning some days are not a problem at all (thanks to the grace of God) but on other days, that good ole flesh with act up and you will be incredibly tempted. I go periods of time where I am just good! Sex is not even on my mind for months on end then a season of testing my faithfulness to God will come where almost every day is a struggle. I remember one particularly day that I was battling my flesh and instead of just moving on from that particular moment, I got angry. I said I was tired of fighting NATURAL DESIRES* and I picked something up and THREW IT! Lol!!! (I PROMISE I try to be as real as possible at all times. No sugar coating around these parts!)
(*Sex is a natural part of life. It is natural to desire sex. If you NEVER want to have sex EVER and you are an adult....something is not normal. Either your hormones are unbalanced or your are lying to yourself! Either way, get it together)
On those days I advise you to pray and if you are able to, fast. Now let's be real. There have been days when I will pray and that mood will lift from me if not immediately, then soon after prayer. On other days, however, I have said "I don't want to pray about this! I'm sick of this". We live in a very sexually driven world so it is really in your face all the time. When I am in that state of mind, I find something to do! Go workout. Read something. Study the bible. Call a friend (to TALK!!! *sideeye* Lol!). Do something to ensure that you don't have that idle time on your hand to consider what you are not allowed to have or do. In moments of weakness, instead of thinking of what you are "denying" yourself, meditate on what you are waiting for. Give yourself pep talks reminding yourself that your future is worth waiting on. Do whatever it takes to get out of that mindset (thought process) that is causing you to feel "frustrated" or "tempted". Last but not least, ignore the desire! If you ignore the desire for anything long enough, it will go away (James 4:7). Also, take it one day at a time. If you are looking into the future, it will feel like you will never be able to have that "release". Don't think in terms of the future. Think about just making it through the day and IF you fall, don't beat yourself up. Pray, repent to God about it and move on being celibate!
Celibacy is not easy in this extremely sexually driven world, especially if you have been sexually active before and have given it up. It takes much needed discipline. What I will say to you is that even though it is not easy, it is so totally worth it to remain pure until you are blessed with your spouse. You are a gift to the world and anyone who is not willing to become "One Flesh" with you before God (the union of marriage) is not worthy of becoming "one flesh" with you in the bedroom (sex). Don't sale yourself short of your permanent blessing to satisfy a short-term desire.
Well, that's enough from me. You are worth being waited for and so is your spouse. Celibacy is not easy all the time but it is a beautiful journey of self discovery and it brings clarity to your life. By abstaining from sex outside of marriage, you leave room for God to bless you with "The Real McCoy" (Your God ordained spouse) and that alone will bless the entire course of the rest of your life. I pray God's best for you and much success to everything you do...including remaining sexually pure until marriage. Smile, ya'll! *xoxo*
I started blogging in January of 2011 but I found myself getting distracted. I didn't stick to it so I shut the page down. Recently, it has been on my heart to start back blogging. I actively began to tweet with a purpose on Twitter (I'm sure I will cover that later) and there are times when there is so much that I want to say that 140 just is not enough space to get it out. To avoid "rapid fire" tweeting and annoying people by filling up their time lines, it was on my heart to get back to blogging. I love writing so this should be interesting.
Sunday, before service, it was on my heart to speak about celibacy. That Thursday evening prior, I watched an episode of "LisaRaye: The Real McCoy" on TvOne. In the episode of her reality show, she was on a spiritual journey to get closer to God after much time away. The journey led her to "Woman Thou Art Loosed" with Bishop Jakes. Before service, she spoke with the beautiful First Lady Serita Jakes and she was presented the opportunity to have a "girlfriend's chat" in which she could asked any questions that she had. One of her concerns about her journey was concerning celibacy. She voiced "I want to have sex!". First Lady Jakes gave the cutest response ever. She simply stated "Well, you're just going to have to put a cap on that, precious." Hi-freaking-larious but so true.
Now, we all know that the bible teaches against fornication which is the participation in sexual activity outside of the covenant of marriage. According to the bible, since LisaRaye is no longer married, for her to have sex right now would be a sin, which was her concern. She is an unmarried Christian...who is struggling with celibacy. This issue was in my spirit on Sunday. I began to tweet about it yet because I was in the sanctuary and service was beginning in 10 minutes, I could not go into depth about it. I did two tweets and they said:
"#Celibacy is not easy especially when you've had good sex before (YES, I SAID IT!!!) but it's possible and extremely rewarding. #ImAWitness".
A beautiful woman responded to that, saying that she wanted to try celibacy but that she knew that it would not be easy. I, of course responded to her but did not go into details because again, service was about to start and I don't tweet in during service (And neither should you. We can all shut down the outside world for an hour or two to honor God...GRRR! Lol).
While watching Oprah the other day, she was reviewing footage from the past. In one particular episode, a young woman was battling anorexia. Oprah has someone on the show who had beaten the disorder to talk to the young woman. The survivor was coaching the young woman and saying that she had to conqueror the illness with her mind beginning with her thoughts. The woman responded saying "I can't do it. I don't know." The survivor responded with some generic, politically correct answer but did not give her a step by step response with instructions, detailing how to defeat anorexia. She did not teach her what she had learned. The young woman unfortunately lost her battle to the disease and died. Oprah in turn said that was a paradigm shift for her, letting her know that you can't just tell people what to do but to be successful in helping someone, you must teach them how to do what must be done to help them. Now back to sex, or the lack thereof. :")
It is easy to tell someone that because they are not married that they should not be having sex but how many people, ESPECIALLY IN THE CHURCH, are teaching people how to be successfully celibate? I know from personal experience feeling like "Don't tell me not to have sex but yet you never have been in this position!" as most of our pastors and spiritual leaders are married. It's hard for me to listen to you tell me not to do the do when you go home to a warm body in your bed and have never gone YEARS without sex before. It's nearly impossible to teach someone about something that you have never been through. I personally have not been taught how to successfully be in this position of abstaining until marriage to give my body away by someone who has successfully done it.
Let me start by saying that while I do NOT put much personal information online because there are some very SPECIAL people in the world, I will say this. If you are not married, you are single, therefore I am single. Period. I also am not sexually active. I have been celibate for 2 years come June of 2011. Before that, I was celibate but "slipped up" one time in that year and the same for the year before that. So in all actuality, come June 1, it will mean in 4 years, I have had sex 2 times. I had a pattern of "falling" once a year. *Kanye Shrug* but I have overcome that. (shondo bo sha ta ya! Lol)
Why am I celibate:
My PERSONAL reason for being celibate is because I am not married and I know that God views it as a sin. I choose to honor God and my future husband by disciplining my body and protecting my virtue until I am married.
Is it hard to go without sex:
Is the sky blue? You gosh darn right it is hard...sometimes! It is not easy to go without sex. What benefits me though is my relationship with God. Because of the Holy Spirit, I am able to abstain because I have that help from Him! That is why if you are not in a loving relationship with the Father, I encourage you to develop one. I know to go from having an active sex life that I enjoyed to going without it at all would be impossible if God was not with me!
How To Be Successfully Celibate:
Every person is different so your coping may be different than mine. I will not be "spiritually deep" here because that is not realistic. I will be as honest as I can. Some days are better than others meaning some days are not a problem at all (thanks to the grace of God) but on other days, that good ole flesh with act up and you will be incredibly tempted. I go periods of time where I am just good! Sex is not even on my mind for months on end then a season of testing my faithfulness to God will come where almost every day is a struggle. I remember one particularly day that I was battling my flesh and instead of just moving on from that particular moment, I got angry. I said I was tired of fighting NATURAL DESIRES* and I picked something up and THREW IT! Lol!!! (I PROMISE I try to be as real as possible at all times. No sugar coating around these parts!)
(*Sex is a natural part of life. It is natural to desire sex. If you NEVER want to have sex EVER and you are an adult....something is not normal. Either your hormones are unbalanced or your are lying to yourself! Either way, get it together)
On those days I advise you to pray and if you are able to, fast. Now let's be real. There have been days when I will pray and that mood will lift from me if not immediately, then soon after prayer. On other days, however, I have said "I don't want to pray about this! I'm sick of this". We live in a very sexually driven world so it is really in your face all the time. When I am in that state of mind, I find something to do! Go workout. Read something. Study the bible. Call a friend (to TALK!!! *sideeye* Lol!). Do something to ensure that you don't have that idle time on your hand to consider what you are not allowed to have or do. In moments of weakness, instead of thinking of what you are "denying" yourself, meditate on what you are waiting for. Give yourself pep talks reminding yourself that your future is worth waiting on. Do whatever it takes to get out of that mindset (thought process) that is causing you to feel "frustrated" or "tempted". Last but not least, ignore the desire! If you ignore the desire for anything long enough, it will go away (James 4:7). Also, take it one day at a time. If you are looking into the future, it will feel like you will never be able to have that "release". Don't think in terms of the future. Think about just making it through the day and IF you fall, don't beat yourself up. Pray, repent to God about it and move on being celibate!
Celibacy is not easy in this extremely sexually driven world, especially if you have been sexually active before and have given it up. It takes much needed discipline. What I will say to you is that even though it is not easy, it is so totally worth it to remain pure until you are blessed with your spouse. You are a gift to the world and anyone who is not willing to become "One Flesh" with you before God (the union of marriage) is not worthy of becoming "one flesh" with you in the bedroom (sex). Don't sale yourself short of your permanent blessing to satisfy a short-term desire.
Well, that's enough from me. You are worth being waited for and so is your spouse. Celibacy is not easy all the time but it is a beautiful journey of self discovery and it brings clarity to your life. By abstaining from sex outside of marriage, you leave room for God to bless you with "The Real McCoy" (Your God ordained spouse) and that alone will bless the entire course of the rest of your life. I pray God's best for you and much success to everything you do...including remaining sexually pure until marriage. Smile, ya'll! *xoxo*
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